Christmas Oneshots
by apple-pie-and-a-blue-tie
Summary: Bunch of unrelated Christmas oneshots
1. Cas Won't Get Off The Top Of The Tree

Dean walks into the bunker where Sam is sitting on the couch and Cas is on top of the faux tree...WAIT WHAT?

"Cas, why are you on top of the tree?" Dean asks.

"It is customary to put an angel on top of the Christmas tree, right?" Cas replies.

"Cas, no," Dean says, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Dean, Sam says it is a tradition," Cas says, head cocked to the side in confusion.

"Yeah. An angel _figurine_," Dean replies.

"I don't see the point of that, considering I'm an actual angel," Cas says.

"Cas, get off of the friggin tree," Dean insists.

"_No!_" Cas yells.

"Castiel...," Dean growls.

"No," Cas replies.

"Cas," Dean warns.

"Why?" Cas asks.

"Because...that's not how it works," Dean sighs.

"Why doesn't it work like that?" Cas asks.

"Because no one else has an actual angel," Dean says.

"Yeah," Cas says. "But we do."

"Get down," Dean says. "You're gonna get hurt."

"Make me," Cas replies.

"Fine," Dean says. "I'll give you one sexual act of your choice if you get down now."

Cas jumps down from the tree and knocks Dean onto the couch with a kiss. Dean deepens it.

"Guys! Uh...still here!" Sam exclaims. Dean and Cas immediately pull away.

"Sorry, Sammy," Dean says. And then, knowing Sam hates the song, he adds "I guess it was just the heat of the moment."

"Dean!" Sam yells. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Just try," Cas replies. "If you kill him, I'll kill you."

"Cas, it's an expression," Dean explains.

* * *

><p>Dean's yell of "Goddamnit Cas! Not again!" can be heard through the bunker, and Sam knows that he's on top of the tree again. He stays out of it, because the thing that Dean promised Cas was a little vulgar and he preferred not to imagine them having sex.<p>

Gabriel shows up while Sam is thinking, saying "Hey, Sammich!"

"Hey, Gabriel," Sam says, hugging the archangel.

"I don't want to know," Gabriel says after hearing the distant 'BANG! CRASH!' of...something.

"Well, Cas won't get off the top of the tree and Dean is trying to make him," Sam says.

"Well, why aren't you in there?" Gabriel asks.

"Dean promised Cas one sexual act of his choice last time," Sam replies. "I don't want to think about him having sex."

"It's a beautiful, natural act...wait, did you say 'last time?'" Gabriel asks.

"Cas wouldn't get off the tree yesterday," Sam explains.

"Why was he on the tree in the first place?" Gabriel asks.

"I told him to get the angel," Sam says. "Guess he took it literally."

"Yep," Gabriel chuckles. "Sounds like him."

They hear a distant crash and rush into the main room.

"It's fine, guys. Cas jumped down and a few ornaments broke," Dean says.

"Which ones?" Sam asks.

"Oh, just the golden balls," Dean replies.

"Oh, so the balls dropped?" Gabriel asks.

"Gabriel!" everyone yells.

* * *

><p><strong>My first fic in this fandom! Yay! Happy Holidays!<strong>


	2. How It Really Went

"Hey, Sammich," Gabriel says, appearing in the bunker. Sam is on his laptop, playing Minesweeper.

"Gabriel!" Sam exclaims, pulling Gabriel into a big hug. "You're alive!"

"I am," Gabriel confirms. "Finally got a tree, huh?"

"Yeah," Sam says, staring at the tree that they hadn't decorated yet. "Why?"

"It's the 20th of December," Gabriel deadpans.

"Wait a second...you're Gabriel!" Sam exclaims.

"You finally caught on," Gabriel smirks.

"No! I mean you're the angel who told Mary she was pregnant," Sam says.

"No shit, Sherlock," Gabriel replies.

Sam walks over to the bookcase and grabs a leather book from the shelf. He flips to Luke 1:26-38.

"There is no way you were that formal," Sam chuckles. "I know my boyfriend."

"True...," Gabriel says.

"So what did you actually say?" Sam asks.

"That's a story that can only be told with the whole family," Gabriel says. He snaps his fingers and Dean and Cas suddenly appear on the couch, Cas on top of Dean. The two are making out. As soon as they realize their brothers are watching them, they pull away.

"Dude! Warn a guy!" Dean yells.

"Okay, now that the family's here, story time!" Gabriel exclaims.

_"Wazzup, Mary?" Gabriel asks._

_"Who are you?" Mary asks. "Where am I?"_

_"I've been sent to tell you that you're preggers!" Gabriel replies. "Congrats!"_

_"But I've never been with a man," Mary says._

_"You will be having my dad's kid," Gabriel says. "You'll name him Jesus."_

_"But how?" Mary asks._

_"I don't know," Gabriel answers. "I was only told to tell you that you're pregnant. Oh yeah! So's Elizabeth."_

"Does 'the holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God' sound anything like 'you will be having my dad's kid?'" Sam asks.

"Okay...the writer of this book took a little creative license when writing that," Gabriel replies.

"A little?" Cas asks. "Gabriel, a little is changing a word or two. Not that."

"Oh, while I'm thinking about it...my talk with Joseph didn't go how that book says it did either," Gabriel says.

"How'd that one go?" Dean chuckles.

_"Listen here, you arrogant dick," Gabriel says._

_"What? Who said that?" Joseph asks._

_"Over here, you douche," Gabriel answers, appearing from behind a tree._

_"Who are you?" Joseph asks._

_"The archangel Gabriel," Gabriel replies. "Look, you aren't gonna divorce Mary. She's really pregnant with my dad's kid. She didn't cheat on you or anything"_

_"Prove it," Joseph says._

_"Prove what?" Gabriel asks._

_"That you're an angel," Joseph replies._

_"Fine," Gabriel says, snapping his fingers. A candy bar appeared in his hand._

_"What is that?" Joseph asks._

_"The closest humans will get to heaven," Gabriel moans. He then snaps his fingers and Joseph wakes up._

"There is so much wrong with that story...," Dean says.

"First of all, Joseph never asked you to prove that you were an angel. Second, you didn't use that kind of language," Sam replies.

"Yes he did, and yes I did. Mary and Joseph were a big deal upstairs. Even bigger than your parents," Gabriel says.

"Well, I can imagine," Sam replies. "I mean, Jesus was the Son of God."


End file.
